Dating, especially first dates are really tricky. Some people claim that they are like the interviews for job – we present ourselves from the best side – we dress up really nice, we try to flirt and we try to be the best versoion of ourselves. And how many times after those preparations you fell like it’s not moving forward ? That you did your best and still that person is not that into you ? Did you ask yourself : what the f**k is wrong with me ?
I have my point of view on that issue, that’s actually quite clear : treating dates like the job interview will make you look just stupid and push another person faaaar away, because it will be fake and uncomfortable. You overthink every move of yours, every single word. You think of other person, if that person will like you as you show yourelf like this. But do you really think of that other person ? Answer is : no, you don’t. You focus the whole energy on your own perfection so that you can’t fully experience the conversation and presence of the other.
- People are attracted to other people who make them feel laid back in their presence. No fakeness. If the other person feels like her/himself arond you, you are already in 50 % of the victory. Nobody wants to be keep on fake laughing and watch out to every word and move they do. We want laid-backness. All of us. That’s why being yourself is extremely important and treat it like having fun, not like the must relationship. Those MUST thoughts make you seem fake, uptight and awkard.
2. People are attracted to other people who know how to overcome the friend-zone and how to flirt. Fliring is the other 50% of victory while dating. Flirting is a playing with the idea of having sex, while not even mentioning about it. It’s about playing with the other person, the condition you’re in and sometimes being a little bit nasty, but not offensive. Always includes complimenting other person in more or less obvious way – the best is to mix the obvious ones with non obvious ones. And, for the record, all of them must be sincere, not like this one below
I once went on a date with one guy who thought he was the master of flirting, so he would still telling me how beautifull and sexy I am and awkardly searching for touch. Also it was so creepy to still feel his look on me, especially when he caught me looking at his eyes. He was thinking that if he will show himself from that “romantic-player” side, I’ll fancy him. Happend something exactly opposite. I feel really awkard and just tried to make him feel laid-back a little. The date finished up and I didn’t text him back never again. Some people still might ask : but why ?
- It was too obvious he’s not himself and that the only thing he wants from me is to have sex with me. The OBVIOUS is the key word. There was no playing, no understatements. I knew exactly what did he want. He didn’t leave any mystery, there was lack of that special aura. Could there be if he behaved differently ? I don’t know. I didn’t want to get to know him afterwards and what I’ve seen on a date was his imagitantion of himself. Some mystery and understatements are the key to be master in flirting.
- He was so uptight. He had a goal and knew exactly what did he want. And, while in life and achieving things this sometimes work, in dating it never works. I fell he’s fake in all that he says and it felt so creepy. Like if he wanted to make me much weaker – he was unstopable. I didn’t feel like myself around him. Rather so uptight. I just fell like run away asap.
In conclusion : dates, first ones, are all about having fun, being laid back and flirty. It’s not like any interview, whatoever 😀 It’s mostly about getting to know another person, see if there’s attraction and flirtation and just play with that. No pressure. When it comes to relations between people, what it begins are flirtationships, and those ones are just about having fun and maybe show the attration towards other person and maybe no.
Remember : play with it. And the word PLAY is the key word that conludes this post.